So I am embarking on the next leg of my journey…radiation. am I excited about it? nope not really….but I am looking forward to beating this thing. Chemo was a really rough journey…it made me feel things I never wanted to feel and I mean both physically and emotionally. It’s been rough, I’m hoping that this part will be a bit easier, but you never know.
Right now I am sitting pretty at about 36,000 ft. I am on my way back to Huntsville, with my granny and my precious baby girl by my side…my road dogs…my ride or dies lol. Granny is sitting here asking for a ginger beer…clearly she didn’t get the memo that flights dont have that. Harlow is eating her yogurt, with lambie and watching her iPad (best gift ever…thanks kaka). And me???? I’m here thinking about if I want to write a book or not…it could be cool. My life has been a movie. Some things people know and some things have been kept a secret. The only thing that I am worried about is letting people know EVERYTHING! but I’m seriously thinking about it. I’m sure it wont happen over night as I feel my story is really just beginning. I have a lot of life left.
I’ve been in Bermuda for a week, and I’m exhausted. I’ve been running around trying to see everyone, I missed so many people and I am so sorry. I may be back in April for a benefit concert that my church is putting on…I hope I can make it. Church yesterday was so good…shout out to Paster Hets…I was tuned all the way in. he had me like a thriller, on the edge of my seat taking every word in. it was good! and then haystacks at Aunt G & Uncle Troys! and I’m a foodie so that was YUM! then more running around, seeing friends and family…I miss them. It was a really good week, but I’m need a vacation from my vacation. We have a long day ahead of us today…we left Bermuda at 10am and we wont get to Nashville until 9:30 central time…that 11:30 Bermuda time. Thank goodness I booked us a hotel because the Harlow and my granny are set up, they would be cranky and complain the whole 2 hr drive back to “da ville”.
Life is constantly teaching me lessons. so many people have seen me this week and said “you do not look sick” (big smile from me…who wants to actually look sick). they all wonder how I can look this way and be going through what I’m going through. and it’s simple actually…I gave my problem to God. I told him I was scared, I told him my fears and concerns, I told him everything…see when I talk to God I talk to him like a homie (well in much more respectable way). Because he is our friend first right? anyway…so when I first found out I was sick, My lil sis Cie had a status up on her what’s app that said “fear and faith cannot coexist” so after my conversation with God, I told him I have faith…He’s got me…so please take my fear away…and not long after (maybe a few days) I stopped having my crying outbursts, and I just believed. So through out this whole process I haven’t been stressing, my spirits have been high (I have my down moments…ooooo they are SO real) but they aren’t often. I walk into my treatment rooms, speaking, smiling, and joking (as always) with my nurses and doctors. Because why should I fear something that I have given to “the big man” ? I shouldn’t. I just need to have faith! And you know what, he has brought me this far, and I’m sure he’s not gonna leave me now. Him and I are an awesome team (he carries the weight…I’m the freeloader lol).
Another thing is….Love….now if anyone REALLY knows me…they know I have a HUGE heart, but i hide it behind this steel wall, with barbed wire, laser security system and much more. I try not to let anyone in, because hurt/pain is so real. recently I have opened up, because pain is apart of learning, apart of growing. I have been hurt, and you know I’m sure I will hurt again. I have hurt people, and you know what I may do it again (not intentionally *covers eyes*). but I have come to realize that life is WAY to short and WAY to unpredictable to be closed in all the time. We aren’t placed on this earth to hide, or be scared to love. I am at the point where the people who I once pushed away for whatever reason I want to let them back in. I want to love everyone…because isn’t that what we are supposed to do??? I mean I think so anyway.
SO many people have shown me love, and acceptance (even with this uncle fester look I got going on right now) it has opened my eyes. there are some really good and amazing people in this world.
Well…my battery is at 7% (clearly I don’t seem to know how to charge any of my electronics before I travel *shrugs*) so I’m gonna wrap it up…pull out my notepad and brainstorm this book idea.
LIve, Love, Laugh, Pray….and Rock out with ya….(lol…if you knew where I was going with that great, if you don’t…just DANCE!)
If you can help, please do…