Friendship…something i hold very close to me.  I cherish the friendships that I do have….so when good friends, even ones that you haven’t seen in so long come over, it really can boost your spirits.  God puts people in your life for a reason and I’m so thankful for everyone in mine.

Last night Erica came over to hang out with me, and as her daughter and Harlow were playing we were able to catch up…that was fun lol.  Remembering past things that have happened, trips, breakups, relationships lol good college memories.    Going to Oakwood, I remember was a last minute decision, I was planning on and hoping to join the US Navy…But Oakwood…man good ol Oakwood really grew on me.  I made formed some great relationships.  freshman year…Carter Hall.  My roommate was great!  Kayla…she used to have me laughing so hard, she was such a mommy, if I had to pick a roommate again I’d pick her over and over…she put up with me, my late night phone calls, the gatherings in my room etc.  Carter hall and 3rd East…good times.  we had so much fun.  a few doors down for me on the opposite side of the hall was Sheenas room…my girl for life.  Man I remember the times we used to just run around crazy…2 doors to the right of my room Was Keisha’s room…the room I ALWAYS would run to…to do what?? nothing just be there.  I used to run those halls of carter hall…I got into so much trouble with the Dean (o well)  but i have so many memories from there…that year was a learning lesson…the next 3 years made tighter bonds and a whole lot more memories.    So we sat and reminisced about them all.  Road trips and all….man I miss those days…

But as we were talking I realized how scary it is for me to be off chemo.  since I was cleared I’ve been a little paranoid.  I constantly wonder if any cells traveled to other organs, or if this pain here or there is another tumor.  I suffer from migraines or is that a tumor as well.  It’s so crazy that when your going through chemo, even though I hated it I had a sense of calm…because I knew no matter what, every 2 weeks I would be injected with chemicals that would kill those cells and i really didn’t have to worry…now….it’s a little scary because…now…I have nothing to kill these cells.  sigh. it’s a little scary

But u have to walk by faith….I’ve had faith all this time that God would bring me through…he did.  he kept my strength up and when I got scared he listed to me, the nights I would cry he was there.  and I need to be strong now.  He gave these doctors the knowledge to treat me, and I need to have faith that I will be healed and that God is working through them to help me.

Sometimes it’s just still a little scary.  I don’t want to go through this again…I don’t know if I’d be able to handle it so well again…As I’m sitting here typing this I’m asking God to bring me a sense of calm so that I don’t worry as much, and make the thoughts in my head just slow down a bit.

sometimes being alone with your thoughts is the worst thing you can do… 😦

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