……

Maybe I’ll just never understand why things happen the way that they do.  And it really wrecks my brain when people say “things happen for a reason” (i’m guilty of using that line).  But sometimes I’m stuck here wondering, what is the reason that these things happen? It’s like we live in this big cosmic circus, where we are performing all these crazy acts to keep our head above water and the rest of the universe looks at us, and it’s pure entertainment for them.  Like where did we all go wrong? what did we do to deserve all this poverty, disease, hard times, violence etc?  where did we go wrong? why did we do it?

I just don’t understand anymore…..

Like why do things happen to so many good people.  Yes we have all messed up, but some of us mess up a whole lot more…why aren’t they the ones suffering? why aren’t they fighting for their lives?  why aren’t they hit with these hard times?

But who are we to question how things happen? right? sometimes it’s hard to not sit and question God and why he allows things to happen in certain ways.  And as I sit here writing this and questioning everything, especially things that are going on.  I ask Harlow why she thinks God allows things to go the way they are…and her response was “Because when he stops doing all the good and everything then we will be with him mommy” and again I’m reminded a child will lead them.  Because what I took from that was, God doesn’t cause the bad but he does heal, and provide, and comfort us…He makes these situations just bearable, he stays by us and keeps us strong.  When he stops will be when we will all be with him.

I’m praying, and I’m praying so hard for my friends, I have been asking God to be with both of them today.  I just found out one was in ICU and I’m going crazy wondering how she is.  and the other had to have surgery today, and I am praying that they do not find that the cancer has spread.  I really and truly hope they are both ok.

It has me here so scared for them, and has me wondering to myself will this happen to me too? the unknown of things is really driving me crazy.  I just want us all to heal, and get better, and be able to continue being awesome women and mommies.  I want that for us I really do.  and I am asking God to please, please, please let that happen.

xoxox Nita