Frustrated

Ughhhhhh!!!!!! I’m sitting here at cci slightly….well more then that but im so frustrated!  So i just had my doctors visit, and i love my oncologist i do.  But ughhhhh! Ok anyway he told me that i will still be doing high doses.  It’s a different drug but still a high dose which means…same sickness but this time add bad bone pain rme great! Hes doing it because he says its limits neuropathy in my fingers and toes…while i appreciate that…lets just say im in a funk knowing ill have to do more big treatments.

ughhh but i cant complain, im making it through so far.  And he says im doing good. I cant complain i wont but…ok ok i wont.  My hair is getting a little thicker but im still bald.  Ive been really tired recently and my eye is swollen.  I just got a prescription for my eye so im hoping this works.

As much as i wont to be mad, and complain and stress…all i can do is be thankful.  I mean even though i was sick i had an awesome thanksgiving.  Harlows awesome and amazing school, helped so much.  The teachers all came together to make our thanksgiving good.  They cooked us so much food, it was sooooo good.  They even brought us paper plates and cups and sweet tea (yum!) we didnt have to do anything besides heat the food up.  It was awesome and so delish! We went to Disney on ice, Harlow was all up in her feelings, she laughed, she cried (shes sensitive) and she danced all night.  O and she cried her eyes out when it was time to go…but ill be taking her to another one in march, and maybe june.  Because these guys wanted to shop i got out the house more than i would have if they wasnt here, which was good and bad.  Good cause i was up and about, bad cause….well i was feeling it when i came back home.  I even bowled!  Im right-handed so it hurt a bit eapecially cause my mastectomy was on my right, but it felt good!  I was doing something normal, i was in pain and nauseous but the fact that i was doing it made me keep going…needless to say Harlow kicked butt with a whopping 147….lets not say my score…im going to just leave it as i was happy to play.  But…to my defense, i have a bad arm, and Harlow got to use the ball push thingy and the bumper rails.

needless to say…even though im in a big ol funk right now, im blessed.  I have some amazing people in my life, some ive just met and some ive known forever. I have the greatest best friends a girl could ask for and especially one that flies up almost every other month.  I have family that cares for me and i have God on my side who is really riding with me through this.  This could be worse Danita, you know that…

There are so many people who seem to be getting diagnosed with cancer these days, a friend/sister of mine is in Boston, and ive been talking regularly to another young woman as well thats in Bermuda.  They have really been giving me strength in their own way…it sucks that this has to happen, we are all under 30…lol ok ok i am 30 but still….we are all young, but we are so strong.  Even though we may not feel like it we are.  I know there are more out there battling this as well, and if so…stay strong, positive and smiling, we do it.  We dont know how some days but we do.   I know i get my strength from the big man upstairs, cause i really dont see this strength and determination coming from anywhere else.

*countdown to christmas*

Xoxo nita.