one day i’ll enjoy my reflection again.

They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  I dont feel so pretty.

My hair came all out last night, it was quick, it happened all in the shower, and when I washed it the rest came tumbling down.  I wasn’t ready for it, it caught me off guard. Maybe that was what I needed in order to cope with it.  Now, my head is cold, it’s pale and it has these annoying little peach fuzz on top of it.  Should I shave that off?  idk.

So many people have been saying o your still beautiful, and giving so many compliments.  it’s so nice of everyone, I just wish at this point i believed them.  I look at myself and I see a bald female, with 1 boob and 1 peck, that’s losing weight and just not feeling herself.  And it’s crazy i’m feeling all kinds of messed up today, and I’m watching tv of how these girls who have it all and are pretty, are not happy with themselves and trying to change things.  and that’s me now, except if I could change things I think the last thing would be the hair or breast.  I just wish so many woman can love themselves flaws and all.  The beauty industry makes so much money on us insecure women.

I want to look at myself, and I want to smile and be happy with my refection.  I will get there, I hope.  but right now, I wish I could break every mirror in my house. it’s hard, it’s a journey.  I’ll get there, I will love to look at myself again.  But until then…it will be a journey.

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12 thoughts on “one day i’ll enjoy my reflection again.

  1. You have way more than any woman with boobs, hair, fortune, or fame. You are a fighter, even through your struggle you are beautiful. Your courage, your strength, your determination, your inspiration is way more beautiful than anything/anyone you’d ever see in the magazines. You are probably more beautiful than you have ever been before ! Danita you are it girl! #theyaintgotNOTHINGonyou

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    1. Have just been reading some of your blog, and want to wish you well. I was diagnosed with bladder cancer about 16 months ago, early stages, so I know I am blessed. I am going the alternative route, and am sharing with others what I am doing. As of May 29th this year no new tumors in my bladder, though waiting for results of recent Cat Scan… My Doc finally sent me for that scan and ultra sound… something I felt should have as I red somewhere ‘that if you have cancer in the bladder, it is likely to be also in the lungs’ Bingo

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  2. Danita You have always been a fighter in every way! I even picked up some strength from you when we worked together! (Big Baby..@ Grotto Bay) That little Princess of yours is adorable…and is wise beyond her years. Hair gone? Girl get some big earrings and sport the new look!! lol…Just keep the faith…you are doing great!!

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  3. Everytime I read your blogs, i feel as if i am there going through it too. I read your story in the RG today and I have tears falling down my face. But the thing is, and I belive that I have expressed this to you before is how much I love your spirit and strength through it all. Your inner beauty pours outwards. Your hair will come back girl, and it looks good on you, you continue to smile and that keeps your outward beauty. Your inner beauty is what matters the most. Like the lady Deborah Forde said, throw on some hoops and go about your way girl! You will get through this and I am in your corner as are many others. Love you girl! See you when you come back home!! 🙂 O and btw, Harlow is the best!

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  4. You are amazing!! Stay positive and you will have positive reults. I don’t know you but I admire your fighting spirit. I pray that you will get well and will be able to graduate and see your daughter grow up. All the best!! You can do it!!!

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  5. Hi Danita, I don’t know you personally but I want to say how your story in RG really touched me and brought tears to my eyes. I want to thank you for sharing your thoughts and taking you readers on your journey!! I think you are an inspiration to young women and any woman who perhaps are going through something similiar. You are brave, strong and courageous and I commend you! I am still got tears as I write this as I too know what it is to be a mother and wanting to be loving and supportive to your child. You are a wonderful MOTHER and are doing a great job, keep up the good work!! Believe me this will be a fond memory that your daughter will always remember and cherish!! Oh and I agree with the others put some hoops on and don’t lose being YOU through, beauty is within!! You will be in my thoughts and prayers, and I want to THANK YOU again for sharing and taking us on your journey,as you have made me be thankful for my life and being able to be a mother to my son who I adore sooooo much!! Take care and hope to hear from you soon!!

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  6. OMG! Its by coincidence that I see your story in the RG and that I’m writing my essay regarding cancer. To know that you are going through this, has really hit me. I’ve often wondered what has happened to you and if you’ve been able to go back to school. Now I know. Nita, I don’t have any words that can express my shock and dismay. But I can tell you that since the first time I met you, you’ve always been a shining light, tenacious, a go-getter and a beautiful person. Take strength from your loved ones, including Harlow. You have a precious gift. You also have strength and courage to be open of your journey and to allow us insight to these intimate of times. Know that I will continue to read your blog. I’ll be right here sharing your emotions and rooting for your progress. I’ll also pray for your blessing. If you ever need to share or just talk, you can always hit me up on FB.

    Rooting for you,
    Fatima

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  7. Heyyyyyy Danita,

    Idk if it’s coincidence or just one of God’s funny plans but I was talking with a friend a week or so ago and she mentioned your story, and today I see it in the paper. I just wanted to say you are one hell of a strong woman and your story is truly an inspiration. Not only for those who have (and are) going through the same things as you but for people in general. You show that although there are times life deals us things we feel like we aren’t equipped to deal with, we most certainly have what it takes to grab the bull by it’s horns and RUN IT!!! I wish you and your precious daughter all the best, and will be keeping you in my prayers.

    P.S. Although you may not have any hair, the shape of your head is PERFECT for a close cut!! Amber it up sis 🙂

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  8. Hey Danita this Jenelle I attended of yrs ago
    , you are such an inspiration and so strong.. Seriously I admire ur strength may God Bless u nd ur daughter

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