the hair is going, and I’m being revealed

Tea, Toast, water/gatorade…repeat….and repeat again, and again and again…  I would love to eat something, something good, something that would stay down or not have me curled in a ball feeling like I’m on a boat in the middle of the atlantic on a bad day.  Yea that’s how I feel daily.  Yesterday I was sick!!! and Harlow is still sick, I felt so bad for KaRecia….poor thing.  But last night was an ER run (don’t worry I thought I’d never have to go too, but clearly i was WRONG!)  My fever went to 101. and had chills, headache etc.  CCI was called and they told KaRecia to take me to the ER asap.  So she ran around the house getting Harlow ready, herself ready, and of course the weak person that was sprawled out on her bed and could barely hold herself up…yea that’s me…guilty! I don’t remember much of getting ready or getting in the car to be quite honest but I do remember that the breeze in the car was relaxing.  The ride there is a blur, all I remember telling Re, was the exit.   We got to the ER and they had yellow tents set up outside (yes, I hesitated getting out of the car)  to me the place was contaminated, but it’s just the procedure since Ebola is running wild.  The ER waiting room was GROSS!! not the facility the people, they were all so germy, coughing, sneezing, coughing up their lungs it was just bad.  They took me in right away, and ended up keeping me in the back away from the germs which i appreciated.  They moved so fast with me, and for the first time i realised being on chemo is no joke, they get you taken care of quick and in a hurry to make sure your ok.  My WBC came back and it was 3 which is LOW! especially when it was 10 not to long ago….anyway I was there for a while then they sent me home, said I had a UTI and that I had to start on antibiotics.

So that’s the update…O and my hair is falling out…yup say good bye to the hair….it’s starting to fall out a lot.  Soon I will have a shiny bald head instead of the awesome Amber Rose cut. Harlow was rubbing my head this morning, after she climbed in my bed to watch cartoons, and it was all over her hand.  I quickly threw my satin cap back on.  It’s an emotional thing when you lose your hair, it kinda makes it “Real”.  Yea I know, the injections, nausea & vomiting, weakness and extreme me fatigue should make it real, but once your hair goes that’s it, your the cancer patient….o well…HI My name is Danita and I’m a cancer patient, fighting!!

You know as girls (even some guys) we always have conversations about relationships.  And how we need a boo and this and that.  Well we had that conversation last night in my hospital room.  And My excuse right now is, I’m fighting cancer and no one wants to have to be with or deal with a cancer patient, that’s why i”m not boo’d up.  To me this is true.  But last night while I was laying in bed, I was thinking again (I know i think a lot), Someone would be lucky to have me.  I’m a good and strong woman, I’m fighting this battle, still going to school (when I can) and I’m a full time mother.  I’m kind, generous, I have the biggest and most giving heart ever, I don’t give up easily and I’m me…so it’s not cause I’m a cancer patient, it’s just that no one…no one decent (or in their right mind lol) has taken the time out to see the awesome person that I am…well my mouth may make some people do a stutter step, but once you get past that I’m a great catch.  and to catch me now, would show how strong and caring and totally awesome they are too (lol yes anyone that snatches me up will be awesome in my eyes).  But I’m always hearing women make excuses for why this isn’t happening to them , or why no man has come around…and believe you me, there is nothing wrong with you!  it’s them…sometimes as women we really need to take a good look at ourselves, and realise the good that is in us, and then hold that high, and wait patiently for someone deserving of all that goodness….

ok well here are some last pics of me with hair….I won’t post another pic till i’m bald and fabulous!! lol

So many of you write me and leave comments that I help you, or that I’m an inspiration.  But you guys are all that for me.  It’s so hard sometimes to let people into my mind, and feelings, I sit and i cry when I write on here most times, because this is me and I’ve never been a woman that is open/vocal about what she’s going through and definitely not my feelings.  The cancer thing is extremely scary, but letting the world in is just as bad for me.  You are all watching me grow, learn, and love myself.  I’ll never be the person that I was before, I’m a totally different person now.  This is me in words and pictures….this is my life, a life I have fully embraced with as much strength as I can muster and faith that I never thought I had before.  So thank you…Thank you for being there for me, I need it just as much as some of you guys say you need me.

THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART