the hair is going, and I’m being revealed

Tea, Toast, water/gatorade…repeat….and repeat again, and again and again…  I would love to eat something, something good, something that would stay down or not have me curled in a ball feeling like I’m on a boat in the middle of the atlantic on a bad day.  Yea that’s how I feel daily.  Yesterday I was sick!!! and Harlow is still sick, I felt so bad for KaRecia….poor thing.  But last night was an ER run (don’t worry I thought I’d never have to go too, but clearly i was WRONG!)  My fever went to 101. and had chills, headache etc.  CCI was called and they told KaRecia to take me to the ER asap.  So she ran around the house getting Harlow ready, herself ready, and of course the weak person that was sprawled out on her bed and could barely hold herself up…yea that’s me…guilty! I don’t remember much of getting ready or getting in the car to be quite honest but I do remember that the breeze in the car was relaxing.  The ride there is a blur, all I remember telling Re, was the exit.   We got to the ER and they had yellow tents set up outside (yes, I hesitated getting out of the car)  to me the place was contaminated, but it’s just the procedure since Ebola is running wild.  The ER waiting room was GROSS!! not the facility the people, they were all so germy, coughing, sneezing, coughing up their lungs it was just bad.  They took me in right away, and ended up keeping me in the back away from the germs which i appreciated.  They moved so fast with me, and for the first time i realised being on chemo is no joke, they get you taken care of quick and in a hurry to make sure your ok.  My WBC came back and it was 3 which is LOW! especially when it was 10 not to long ago….anyway I was there for a while then they sent me home, said I had a UTI and that I had to start on antibiotics.

So that’s the update…O and my hair is falling out…yup say good bye to the hair….it’s starting to fall out a lot.  Soon I will have a shiny bald head instead of the awesome Amber Rose cut. Harlow was rubbing my head this morning, after she climbed in my bed to watch cartoons, and it was all over her hand.  I quickly threw my satin cap back on.  It’s an emotional thing when you lose your hair, it kinda makes it “Real”.  Yea I know, the injections, nausea & vomiting, weakness and extreme me fatigue should make it real, but once your hair goes that’s it, your the cancer patient….o well…HI My name is Danita and I’m a cancer patient, fighting!!

You know as girls (even some guys) we always have conversations about relationships.  And how we need a boo and this and that.  Well we had that conversation last night in my hospital room.  And My excuse right now is, I’m fighting cancer and no one wants to have to be with or deal with a cancer patient, that’s why i”m not boo’d up.  To me this is true.  But last night while I was laying in bed, I was thinking again (I know i think a lot), Someone would be lucky to have me.  I’m a good and strong woman, I’m fighting this battle, still going to school (when I can) and I’m a full time mother.  I’m kind, generous, I have the biggest and most giving heart ever, I don’t give up easily and I’m me…so it’s not cause I’m a cancer patient, it’s just that no one…no one decent (or in their right mind lol) has taken the time out to see the awesome person that I am…well my mouth may make some people do a stutter step, but once you get past that I’m a great catch.  and to catch me now, would show how strong and caring and totally awesome they are too (lol yes anyone that snatches me up will be awesome in my eyes).  But I’m always hearing women make excuses for why this isn’t happening to them , or why no man has come around…and believe you me, there is nothing wrong with you!  it’s them…sometimes as women we really need to take a good look at ourselves, and realise the good that is in us, and then hold that high, and wait patiently for someone deserving of all that goodness….

ok well here are some last pics of me with hair….I won’t post another pic till i’m bald and fabulous!! lol

image image 2 image 3

So many of you write me and leave comments that I help you, or that I’m an inspiration.  But you guys are all that for me.  It’s so hard sometimes to let people into my mind, and feelings, I sit and i cry when I write on here most times, because this is me and I’ve never been a woman that is open/vocal about what she’s going through and definitely not my feelings.  The cancer thing is extremely scary, but letting the world in is just as bad for me.  You are all watching me grow, learn, and love myself.  I’ll never be the person that I was before, I’m a totally different person now.  This is me in words and pictures….this is my life, a life I have fully embraced with as much strength as I can muster and faith that I never thought I had before.  So thank you…Thank you for being there for me, I need it just as much as some of you guys say you need me.

THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART

15 thoughts on “the hair is going, and I’m being revealed

  1. Everything we go through just makes us stronger! Nita, I love you chica! We are single mums going through hardships of life and still standing strong. Keep fighting baby! #teampink xoxo

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  2. Danita you are an amazingly strong woman. I admire your courage and strength. You are extremely inspirational not only to other women with cancer but inspirational to all women. I pray that God blesses you. Continue to fight and continue to be a voice and hero to women with cancer and women in general.

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  3. ive known you to be a smiling giggling fighter since the 5th grade and nothing has changed! I sit here and cry as I read this posting and your openness has touched me like never before! You are simply amazing on so many levels and each pic you share confirms your courage and will to go one. This situation seems so unfair and unequally evil but I gain strength from your strength and I want you know know that I love care n respect you in every sense of the words! Take care my Nita!!!

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  4. Danita, you tell an awesome story in an awesome way. You are really good at expressing yourself and drawing your loved ones into your story. You truly are special! I’m not sure I could face this challenge with the same attitude, in the same way. Continue what you are doing. You are allowing us to share your journey and what an awesome journal it is. Love you girl! You are truly a beautiful person and a great mom!

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  5. Danita you will definitely be in my thoughts and prayers. Always remember this awesome scripture: For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11. Stay strong and hold on to God. Everything will be ok.

    Derek Weller

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  6. Danita you are a wonderful person and I am so honored to call you a friend. Stay the strong beautiful woman that you are. You are definitely in my prayers.

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    1. Nita Ive read all ur post and will continue to do so. You have been a strong independent lady as long as Ive known you. This journey is surreal but the way your accepting and the faith you have just makes you that much of an awesome person. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Keep the fight and stay strong.

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  7. Danita you are always in my thoughts and you are a very strong young lady and sometimes we never know how strong we are until being strong is our only option, your word really touched my heart ❤ and brought tears 😿 to my eyes 👀 , your a fighter and I pray 🙏 for you and I know your going to beat this.

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  8. Danita I love you! You are such a strong person you have beed true encouragement to other’s and are a beautiful mother and friend. I encourage you to keep fighting god is with you. #teamdanita! ♡

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  9. Danita you are a wonderful and more beautiful than ever woman. I pray for you everyday with my prayer group. Continue to keep strong. The Lord has a plan for you.

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  10. Danita, your zest for life is amazing! Your strength is amazing! I don’t know how you do it, because if you were me, I don’t know how I would deal with this. You are truly a young woman that I admire and I pray for you! I know I don’t know you personally, but after reading your blog and actually crying through some of them, I feel like I actually DO know you! You got this and I wish you all the best and keep fighting and be encouraged! You are on God’s side and HE has got you!!!

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  11. Hello Danita,

    My sister sent me a link to your blog. She said your story reminded her of me when I went away to school and was diagnosed with BC soon after.

    You’re an awesome and strong woman. I celebrate your recovery and survivorship; more so, the fact that you’ll be an even stronger woman in the future than you are now. Wow! That means you have amazing things to offer the world, leaving footprints in the hearts and minds of others. Press on, and keep the joy in your heart, in spite of it all.

    God bless you.

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  12. Fighting for u hard here Danita! Stay strong you have some serious fight in you and some damn good fighters in your corner!!!! You will make it!!!!

    Stay strong!

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