Lost

So today has been a day where i feel completely lost.  Why?  I don’t know.  I feel so helpless and confused.  Harlow and I are home sick today, she has a fever and a little cough and me?  well i got the chemo side effects.  We both slept most of the day, in our new apartment.  Which I can barely help to move anything because I feel weak or nauseous all the time.  And plus I have to take care of My tiny butt.

For the first time in, I don’t know probably ever I feel like theres nothing that I can do for my daughter.  I hate to see her laying here in and out of sleep, her fever going up and down and hearing her whimper that her throat is hurting.  I have always been the mom that can get up and handle it, and now? I’m here feeling to weak to keep my eyes open.  But it’s amazing how God put something in front of you to kinda encourage you in some way.  There was a post on Facebook that I saw and it was a fish and her babies that had no water, so she started to cry so that her babies can have water and survive, and it said “A mom will always make a way”  and just like that i knew there was a way I’d be able to get up and make sure my little mini me was taken care of.

Sometimes as mothers are backs are up against the wall, we work to provide but sometimes we can’t provide all that they need and we get stressed.  Being a mother isn’t easy at all, but we have super powers I swear!  And I realised that its the little things that they appreciate more then anything.  Harlow only wants to cuddle with me, and sometimes that’s all your kid will need.  I always want to give my daughter the best, but the best is all of me.

Anyway….I feel horrible today, my stomach is doing all sorts of flips and jumps, my bones hurt an my head is all fuzzy.  I feel so bad for Karecia who has to be here to help move, and take care of Harlow and I.  I am very grateful I just wish i could do more.  This time after Chemo they gave me fluids the following day along with some ultra powerful nausea medicine which knocked me out, and I gave it 2 thumbs up for being awesome.  Friday and Saturday I was “ok” Sunday….gross and today even worse.  It’s a progress…17 more weeks is all I keep telling myself.

I cut my hair off, as my hair is starting to fall out everywhere.  it’s cute though, just call me the new Amber Rose 😉

2 thoughts on “Lost

  1. They say you never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have. As mothers, naturally, we want to protect and care for our children. When I read your story I see amazing courage, limitless strength and the beauty of motherhood. Your story has moved me beyond words; I pray for light when there is darkness, joy when you feel sorrow and an abundance of precious moments of love with your daughter. Be encouraged.

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