Strength through tears

13 Lymph nodes removed and only 1 positive…I keep reminding myself that only God can do something like that.  no one was expecting only 1 to test positive, my tumor was the size of a golf ball…CRAZY!  I remind myself multiple times a day that 1 lymph node is a much better outcome then 4,5 or 6+.

Today was such a emotional day for me.  I cried, I cried so hard!  I read another blog of an amazing woman going through chemo today, and honestly scared me so much i almost crapped myself (ummm well maybe not that bad, but it was bad).  And for the first time since this started I final admitted to myself that I’m scared of this treatment, like really scared.  But as fast as I started bawling my eyes out, I prayed and asked for calm…and in that moment my daughters arm flung around my neck (she sleeps WILD) and just like that I knew God was letting me know what and who I’m fighting for.

So many people text, email, and even call me (I’m so not a talk on the phone person) but no matter how i get contacted, I’m always told that I’m admired for my strength, or i’m an inspiration, I’m awesome, or I’m their hero/shero.  I am so appreciative for it I am, but as strong as I may look I do break down.  I’m just like everyone else.  I crumble I do, but I refuse to break.

 

Tuesday I go to see Dr. Schreeder (my oncologist) at this awesome clinic, Clearview cancer institute.

I get my injection to put these baby making things in my pelvis to sleep, and talk to the radiologist, and also to get a mugascan (tests my heart to see if there is any heart conditions i may have that I don’t know about) (it’s a REALLY cool scan…you watch the actual heart beat on the screen…..yes I squealed with excitement when i heard that).  I’ve changed up my diet in order to assist these drugs, cause if you don’t help yourself then there is only so much they can do.  I have a green smoothie for breakfast and a bowl of granola, or egg whites or something for breakfast.  lunch and dinner anything healthy.  and LOADS of water and fresh pressed fruit juices.  It’s been a HUGE adjustment a real struggle but I’m making it through, and each day gets a little easier…(key word little)

Anyway I’m ready to watch some sportscenter, and relax for the night.  I’ve had a really emotional day today….a bit draining.  tomorrow is football, so that should pick me up…if my eagles play right in San Fran smh.  but other then that Sunday’s are usually good days, I’m hoping tomorrow is a better day then today.

Have a good night!!! Harlow says hi!!! (yes I know she should be sleep, but she’s curled up watching barbie with me as I type).

xoxoxoxo NIta