Sept 3…The day my world stood still

“Good day….Ms.Lambe?”

Yes that’s me

“Can you come in to Dr. Thomas’s office? it’s 2:00 now, how soon can you be here?  we’ve gotten your results”

RESULTS!!! The one thing that I was waiting for, they said I would have to wait 24-48 hours, but 24 was long enough.  I was ready to find out if this was the “BIG C” or a clogged duct.

Wait!

let me give you some back story…

a few months back i felt a small lump in my right breast, almost felt like a hard sprinkle in my breast.  My mom passed away from breast cancer when I was 7, so the littlest lumps get checked out.  I went to my OB/GYN in my home country of Bermuda and she felt it, brushed it off, and asked me about the BRAC1 & BRAC2 gene testing i had signed up for.  months went by, and I’m packing up to move back to the U.S.  an adventure I was ready for, I had just turned 30 and was going back to school (you couldn’t tell me life wasn’t good).  the week that I moved I felt a lump it felt HUGE!! i asked my friend touch it…i really just needed a second opinion.  Her face said it all, I was going back to the Dr.  just not the one i had been seeing.  I moved to the good ol’ south and settled in.  After a week of classes i was ready to find out what this was, i couldn’t sleep or concentrate until i found out.  I checked into the health services on campus….and once i was in to see the doctor that was it…from that moment it’s been a whirlwind of testing and appointments.

So which brings me to Sept 3….

As the nurse came to get me from the waiting room, I knew what I was going to be told.  The examination room was cold, smelt like alcohol, and as i stared at the blank light blue wall, and all i told myself was “BREATHE”  (easier said then done at that point).  The Dr. came in and gently touched my shoulder…said the whole “i’m so sorry, but” speech, then said

“Your result’s were positive….”

She continued to talk but all i could hear was my daughter in my head saying “I love you mommy” and just like that…I couldn’t breathe, the hands on the clock stopped and even though the doctor was rambling on i never saw her mouth move, she was there, nothing moved.  I was looking around a room and did not feel present, it was something out of a movie.  I walked out, never once feeling my legs carry me, it was like i floated to my car, and that’s where i broke down….

See I want to start this blog as my journey, my way of coping with my reality.  It’s my story…So no matter the outcome of this…it’s going to be a part of my dash. But I’m fighting, HARD, i’m not ready to give up just yet I want to be a survivor…

Welcome to my world….Pink ribbons and boobies